matthewdeprez (12:09:25 AM): adam is howie home right now?
admut239 (12:10:08 AM): nope
matthewdeprez (12:10:11 AM): what a bitch!
matthewdeprez (12:10:17 AM): he didn't even say goodbye!!!!
matthewdeprez (12:10:34 AM): me and howie r THROUGH
admut239 (12:10:50 AM): haha
matthewdeprez (12:10:51 AM): you don't have 2 tell him that though
matthewdeprez (12:10:59 AM): bcuz he'll find out soon enough......
matthewdeprez (12:11:00 AM): ...
matthewdeprez (12:11:51 AM): i wrote him a kiss off letter:

matthewdeprez (12:11:54 AM): I wasted 6 months of my precious time with you, toasting to your good fortune. But I was so mistaken. You lack a heart in my eyes. you lack responsibility But most importantly, you lack intelligence and sophistication.

matthewdeprez (12:12:03 AM): I didnt feel like we were growing apart. I was not even distracted with my work. But I was beginning to realize who you were - someone who may indeed be unique- but who lacks the ability to see past his own emotions and needs - you are everything a man shouldn't be. Men should be strong and willing to stand up for the woman they care for - not talk about her behind her back wiht your friends - or scream at her and put her down like some piece of shit in front of your friends -- do we see a pattern here? and for what!?! to prove that you are strong - to yourself and your "friends" - sweetheart - you're friends are a part of your demise. You contradict everything you want the more you spend time with them - because indeed they represent everything you say you DON"T want to be. too bad you are just like them. Remember - what nourishes you will destroy you. You were a different person around me when we were alone - thats where I saw potential- but around them you became foolish. I was simply distancing myself because you are not and were not EVER good enough for me. You and your swearing, cursing, yelling, ranting, raving, grabbing, tugging, insulting, and GHETTO ways.

matthewdeprez (12:12:28 AM): sweetheart.... you're friends are a part of your demise!!!!!!!
matthewdeprez (12:12:40 AM)
: Yeah I said ghetto. It wasnt just you who made fun of ALL my friends. They made fun of you too. You are ghetto! You lack class! You lack sophistication! guess what I know and everyone knows that I am too good for you - partying, playing, smoking, drinking, sexing, snarling, criticizing, callous, forcing me to do things for you - lets see if you find another sweet intelligent worldly girl again that you can take for granted and use as your trophy girl - OR - better yet - why dont you go back to your equally trashy blonde barbie doll club hopping floozies who have nothing better to do than to apply lipstick for a living - finding meaning in nothing more than a hippity-hoppity scene. Im sure that will satisfy you. I will never be like that - my time and success has always been dependent on my depth - no one can ever take that away from me - you should have recognized. And you will never understand why thats so. Some people just are not capable. And you clearly lack the sophistication to be capable of anything more than to be just a meaningless toy to be played with and thrown away once the box is opened. All glitz and no substance makes the wrapping seem so terribly useless doesn't it doll.

matthewdeprez (12:12:50 AM): Remember - let me reiterate this. YOU WILL NEVER FIND ANYONE LIKE ME - someone who cherishes you, your family, your culture, your everything - yet has everything of her own. Yeah I may have fought for you that one day - and even for the past month I have thought about you non-stop - thats because i actually know how to love - my past isn't a train wreck into my future. But, you've shown me exactly what you're made of - no class. My wake up call has come - thank god. Anyone who would treat a woman the way you have deserves to be unhappy and lonely. I hope you stay that way as you continue to decieve yourself that you have done nothing wrong - that everything is all my fault. How can someone be in such denial? your a drug addict - indeed addicted to the drug of stroking your own hurt ego, endless pride, and heart break from years ago. Sweetheart - get over it and just move on.

matthewdeprez (12:13:01 AM): Remember - in your eyes - it was always about you - and thats the reason i walked out on you that night. It wasn't that I didnt want to be with you - it was that you will never realize teh pain that you've caused me. I sat here for months trying to bend every which way to please you. Man - so sorry it had to end this way. Even though its taken me this long, I am so glad I've come to realize that I made the right decision. Who do you think you are to tell me off about my personality a week after a heated argument in which there were more people crossing boudaries than myself - to treat me like shit and never apologize. you really lack god. you lack the ability to love, to forgive, to be loved, and to be treated as a sophisticated human being. you want me to be a hardcore ghetto b*tch like your good for nothing friends and exes. you got it. you are indeed f*cked up mentally. we all know this. You will NEVER hold a place in my heart again or amongst my friends and family.

matthewdeprez (12:13:08 AM): the sad part of this all is that I know you are a good person. I even know that you loved me even though you will never admit it. I know you are a happy person. But unfortunately you are surrounded by people who make you SAD. And these are the same people that you brought into our relationship to reconcile our issues - which by the way are normal issues! You dont know the first thing about intimate relationships - and they are psycho - obviously. Keep your tit-for-tats darling, and your best friends - they are no bodies and will be so forever in this sun shiny state of massholes.
admut239 (12:13:56 AM): O MY GOD
matthewdeprez (12:14:24 AM): too harsh?
matthewdeprez (12:14:42 AM): sometimes the truth hurts tho - howie is so ghetto!
matthewdeprez (12:15:37 AM): he and his swearing, cursing, yelling, ranting, raving, grabbing, tugging, insulting and GHETTO ways
admut239 (12:16:17 AM): hahahahahahhahaha
matthewdeprez (12:16:24 AM): he really lacks god, too
matthewdeprez (12:16:51 AM): he lacks the ability to love, to forgive, to be loved, and to be treated as a sophisticated human being
matthewdeprez (12:16:57 AM): in that order
admut239 (12:17:13 AM): hahahahahaha
admut239 (12:17:21 AM): why is this
matthewdeprez (12:17:55 AM): he wants me to be a hardcore ghetto b*tch like his good for nothing friends and exes!
matthewdeprez (12:18:10 AM): he is indeed f*cked up mentally.
matthewdeprez (12:18:23 AM): we all know this, adam
admut239 (12:19:09 AM): U on to something homes
matthewdeprez (12:19:14 AM): tell me about it
matthewdeprez (12:19:24 AM): he was bragging about finishing some script
matthewdeprez (12:19:33 AM): and i was like, what about OUR script????
admut239 (12:19:44 AM): AW SHIT BRO
matthewdeprez (12:19:48 AM): tell me about it
matthewdeprez (12:20:05 AM): COP MOUNTAIN! will never get off the ground as long as howie insists on his GHETTO ways
admut239 (12:20:50 AM): hahahah COP MOUNTAIN
matthewdeprez (12:21:00 AM): yes... let me guess
matthewdeprez (12:21:12 AM): he hasn't said a WORD about it to anyone
matthewdeprez (12:22:02 AM): i guess COP MOUNTAIN! isn't cool enough for his friends
matthewdeprez (12:22:28 AM): indeed they represent everything he SAYS he don't want to be. too bad he are just like them
matthewdeprez (12:22:33 AM): is*
admut239 (12:24:19 AM): i dig i dig
admut239 (12:24:25 AM): so what is COP MOUNTAIN
admut239 (12:24:42 AM): cause I really want to write that
matthewdeprez (12:24:50 AM): howie is apologizing right now
matthewdeprez (12:25:02 AM): he's like "caleb i really want to start production on COP MOUNTAIN!"
matthewdeprez (12:25:14 AM): "i'm sorry all of that just happ'nd"
matthewdeprez (12:26:04 AM): cop mountain is a movie that i created that howie is going to write, produce, star in, and take credit for creating
admut239 (12:26:24 AM): oh damn
matthewdeprez (12:27:29 AM): bob costas is in it
matthewdeprez (12:27:43 AM): also reginald veljohnson
matthewdeprez (12:27:46 AM): he plays one of the cops
admut239 (12:27:48 AM): hahaha
admut239 (12:27:52 AM): naturally
matthewdeprez (12:27:54 AM): actually, he is the chief of the cops
matthewdeprez (12:28:02 AM): because he is famous and probably a little old
matthewdeprez (12:28:04 AM): anyway
matthewdeprez (12:28:19 AM): howie plays a canadian mountie
matthewdeprez (12:28:23 AM): named pierre
matthewdeprez (12:28:27 AM): actually, he's a SUPER mountie
matthewdeprez (12:28:47 AM): and he saves the country and is about to be appointed as the personal protector of the canadian prime minister when scandal hits
admut239 (12:29:04 AM): i love it
matthewdeprez (12:29:10 AM): it's discovered that he was actually born on the US side of the border in a small border town, and therefore he CAN'T be appointed
matthewdeprez (12:29:33 AM): so, in accordance with the law, he is exiled from canada and shipped back to the usa
admut239 (12:29:47 AM): but thats not a good ending
matthewdeprez (12:29:55 AM): this is true
matthewdeprez (12:30:01 AM): but it is a spectacular BEGINNING!
matthewdeprez (12:30:13 AM): he tries to become a super cop in the usa
matthewdeprez (12:30:18 AM): but he has no real training
matthewdeprez (12:30:34 AM): he can run faster than a horse and he wrestles brown bears for fun
matthewdeprez (12:30:51 AM): but since he lacks the paperwork and credentials to become an american supercop
matthewdeprez (12:31:14 AM): he's forced to take a job with a rent-a-cop security place
matthewdeprez (12:31:28 AM): but he is still really good at his job
admut239 (12:31:47 AM): this is an amazing script you realize
admut239 (12:31:51 AM): Im dying to write it
matthewdeprez (12:31:58 AM): and carl winslow is always telling him to chill out and laze off because he's only getting paid like $8/hr
matthewdeprez (12:32:11 AM): but his instincts as a supermountie are too keen
matthewdeprez (12:32:27 AM): and he can't help but stop all sorts of crime and show up all of the real cops in the small border town
admut239 (12:32:31 AM): o my god this is brilliant
matthewdeprez (12:32:36 AM): i forgot to mention
matthewdeprez (12:32:42 AM): in the USA they call him jeremy
matthewdeprez (12:32:59 AM): because the american vocal chords are unable to make the sounds necessary to pronounce "pierre" properly
matthewdeprez (12:33:03 AM): so he takes an american name
matthewdeprez (12:33:12 AM): it's like in V, when the aliens all take earth names
matthewdeprez (12:33:33 AM): carl is like "got DANGit, jeremy!"
matthewdeprez (12:33:41 AM): ANYWAY
matthewdeprez (12:33:56 AM): while all of the cops are being lazy because they can
matthewdeprez (12:34:12 AM): jeremey uncovers a plot by french terrorists to blow up mount rushmore and blame the canadians
matthewdeprez (12:34:23 AM): forcing a war between canada and the usa
matthewdeprez (12:34:41 AM): but jeremy and the ragtag team of rentacops foil the international terrorist plot
matthewdeprez (12:34:55 AM): saving canada from ultimate defeat and disgrace
matthewdeprez (12:35:30 AM): as a result, they change the canadian law to allow him back in the country
matthewdeprez (12:35:46 AM): but in the end.... does he really want to give up his newfound life in small town USA???????
matthewdeprez (12:35:51 AM): .... you decide!
matthewdeprez (12:38:28 AM): howie agreed to star in the movie
matthewdeprez (12:38:38 AM): OH
matthewdeprez (12:38:40 AM): i forgot to tell you
matthewdeprez (12:38:48 AM): when all of the action starts
matthewdeprez (12:38:55 AM): jeremy is just getting out of the shower
admut239 (12:38:59 AM): .THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE IVE EVER HEARD IM NOT EVEN KIDDING
matthewdeprez (12:39:00 AM): so the 2nd half of hte movie is all in towels
admut239 (12:39:09 AM): please can we write this
admut239 (12:39:11 AM): PLEASE
admut239 (12:39:15 AM): im begging you
matthewdeprez (12:39:22 AM): yes it's made to be written
matthewdeprez (12:39:23 AM): except
matthewdeprez (12:39:28 AM): i was thinking that instead of writing
admut239 (12:39:30 AM): we dont need howoe
matthewdeprez (12:39:33 AM): we'd just move straight to shooting
matthewdeprez (12:39:40 AM): because writing will make it seem too fake
admut239 (12:39:44 AM): no we can write this and we can sell it
matthewdeprez (12:39:44 AM): kill the spontaneity
matthewdeprez (12:39:50 AM): OKAy!
matthewdeprez (12:39:54 AM): SCREW HOWIE
matthewdeprez (12:40:01 AM): we don't need the big name actors on this anyway
admut239 (12:40:02 AM): SCREW HOWIE!
admut239 (12:40:06 AM): except for Rob Snyder
matthewdeprez (12:40:28 AM): he can't play the canadian prime minister because that role is already promised to costas
matthewdeprez (12:40:47 AM): he can play one of the screwup cops or jacques the french terrorist
admut239 (12:41:05 AM): Wait do you have an outline of this i closed the im
matthewdeprez (12:41:47 AM): yeah i probably have a few outlines
matthewdeprez (12:42:00 AM): i have explained it in great detail to howie, when i was first trying to sign him
matthewdeprez (12:42:16 AM): and then i told jim, when i was complaining about howie's inflated ego
matthewdeprez (12:42:25 AM): so i have them saved somewhere
admut239 (12:43:23 AM): please send I will send you pages to approve and edit
matthewdeprez (12:43:40 AM): hahahaha
matthewdeprez (12:43:42 AM): let me find them
matthewdeprez (12:43:49 AM): let's see... IM search for COP MOUNTAIN!
matthewdeprez (12:46:01 AM): holy god taking forevah
matthewdeprez (12:49:39 AM): oh shoot!
matthewdeprez (12:49:52 AM): here's a bit of scandal i just remembered:
matthewdeprez (5:12:48 AM): here's an update on COP MOUNTAIN:
matthewdeprez (5:13:02 AM): production hiatus.
matthewdeprez (5:13:26 AM): kaplan's bein a prima donna

matthewdeprez (12:50:02 AM): that's gonna come back and bite us!
admut239 (12:50:43 AM): hahaha
matthewdeprez (12:52:27 AM): don't worry though
matthewdeprez (12:52:33 AM): if howie backs out, we can just hire this guy:
http://ia.imdb.com/media/imdb/01/I/59/02/88m.jpg

admut239 (12:52:48 AM): who is that?
matthewdeprez (12:52:58 AM): some actor who looks like howie when he acts
matthewdeprez (12:55:48 AM): if we dont' use him in COP MOUNTAIN! then i was thinking i could always use him in my grossly inaccurate howie kaplan biopic, simply entitled "Howie!"
admut239 (12:57:19 AM): hahahaha
matthewdeprez (12:57:42 AM): http://pages.emerson.edu/staff/c/caleb_chabot/misc/copmountain/1.html
matthewdeprez (12:58:18 AM): oh nice
matthewdeprez (12:58:25 AM): i forgot about this bit of character development
matthewdeprez (12:58:34 AM): carl winslow is prejudiced against canadians
matthewdeprez (12:58:49 AM): but working with jeremy helps him overcome his prejudice by the end of the movie
matthewdeprez (12:58:57 AM): http://pages.emerson.edu/staff/c/caleb_chabot/misc/copmountain/2.html
admut239 (12:59:37 AM): got it
matthewdeprez (12:59:57 AM): oh shoot! i forgot this gem too:
matthewdeprez (5:23:26 AM): so he strips down to nothing
Aloha Spaz (5:23:27 AM): right-o
Aloha Spaz (5:23:30 AM): only a towel
matthewdeprez (5:23:35 AM): and smears clay all over his naked body
Aloha Spaz (5:23:40 AM): sure 'nuff]
matthewdeprez (5:23:42 AM): and sneaks up to observe
matthewdeprez (5:24:13 AM): and like all mounties, howie has an affinity with nature and can control animals
matthewdeprez (5:24:28 AM): so yes, the towel will push him over the top in the final battle
Aloha Spaz (5:24:43 AM): i dig it
matthewdeprez (5:24:44 AM): but perhaps more advantageous is his ability to summon all of the beasts of the forest

matthewdeprez (1:00:14 AM): matthewdeprez (5:24:13 AM): and like all mounties, howie has an affinity with nature and can control animals
matthewdeprez (1:00:26 AM)
: man... how can i forget crucial plot points like that!
matthewdeprez (1:01:06 AM): and ignore all of that rapping about Dave Coulier
matthewdeprez (1:01:12 AM): Costas is my go-to man now
admut239 (1:01:44 AM): i dig
matthewdeprez (1:01:45 AM): http://pages.emerson.edu/staff/c/caleb_chabot/misc/copmountain/3.html
matthewdeprez (1:01:58 AM): after those 3 convos and the one that you and i are having right now
matthewdeprez (1:02:11 AM): you are completely up to speed with any and all development of COP MOUNTAIN!
admut239 (1:02:15 AM): this is true
matthewdeprez (1:02:44 AM): i've been telling howie that we need to finish this really soon
matthewdeprez (1:03:01 AM): because i'm probably going to have another good idea any day now, and we'll need to get started on that before i get backed up
admut239 (1:04:00 AM): i know we will get started on this asap
admut239 (1:04:03 AM): but right now im at work
admut239 (1:04:07 AM): overnight style
matthewdeprez (1:04:07 AM): OH SHATZ
admut239 (1:04:10 AM): with howie
matthewdeprez (1:04:14 AM): are u getting busted?
matthewdeprez (1:04:24 AM): for wasting the company time and the company dime?
admut239 (1:04:37 AM): haha not yet
matthewdeprez (1:04:37 AM): will howie get fired if i keep on IMing him?
matthewdeprez (1:04:48 AM): like when george got that waitress fired on seinfeld?
admut239 (1:05:13 AM): haha
admut239 (1:05:15 AM): maybe
matthewdeprez (1:05:24 AM): it will be funny if it works
matthewdeprez (1:05:43 AM): but what are the chances that i'll feel bad after the initial laughter?
matthewdeprez (1:05:54 AM): slight to moderate, i'm guessing
admut239 (1:06:52 AM): haha poss moderate
matthewdeprez (1:07:43 AM): plus, depending on his mood, howie might flip his wig and get all pissy at me
matthewdeprez (1:07:53 AM): which will only stall COP MOUNTAIN! even longer
matthewdeprez (1:08:54 AM): but then again.... we've always got Daniel Roebuck on standby
admut239 (1:09:06 AM): haha
matthewdeprez (1:09:21 AM): (he's that kaplan-looking dude i posted earlier)
admut239 (1:14:35 AM): I DIG
matthewdeprez (1:15:07 AM): UDGGIN RULSE!
matthewdeprez (1:15:25 AM): speaking of diggin, i named a cat i've never met DIG DUG!
matthewdeprez (1:16:48 AM): also, i've hired melody wizard BEN KINDBERG to do the soundtrack
matthewdeprez (1:17:02 AM): it's just going to be all of our favorite ZIPPER songs
matthewdeprez (1:17:11 AM): try diggin that
matthewdeprez (1:17:19 AM): ^ DARED ^
matthewdeprez (1:17:40 AM): jk ru4rlz
admut239 (1:35:44 AM): I DIG THAT
matthewdeprez (1:38:17 AM): i can get behind this recent enthusiasm for digging!
matthewdeprez (1:38:28 AM): i'm always "U DIG??? U DIG???"
matthewdeprez (1:38:41 AM): it's like call and response, and that, my friend, i CAN DIG
admut239 (1:40:00 AM): thats why I'm saying it.
matthewdeprez (1:40:21 AM): ROCK ON MAN! I LOVE IT!
admut239 signed off at 4:48:00 AM. READ PART 5